How to Repair a Broken Heart

When a relationship ends painfully, it can feel like your heart is being torn apart. People often wonder if they will ever get over the intense sadness, anger and loss they're feeling.
While it feels devastating now, the truth is that the pain will pass and eventually, you will recover. To do so, you will need to work through the four healing emotions:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Fear
• Sorrow

The first step is to get support and share your feelings with people you trust. At this time, it's vital to talk about what you're feeling and to receive unconditional support.
Commonly, we feel that our friends and family may tire of hearing us talk over and over about the same topic. If you find this happening, it may be time to seek outside help. Personal coaches, therapists and clergy are all trained on how to support people dealing with profound loss.
As people begin to share their feelings, it is natural to feel drawn to one of the four emotions more powerfully than another. Perhaps you are really angry at your ex, or perhaps you are primarily sad about losing your partner.
Often this pull toward one feeling will cause a person to get "stuck" in an emotion. Why does this happen? We all have a natural, inborn desire to avoid short-term pain. We may resist certain feelings because they are "wrong" in our mind. Many people grow up believing that it's not OK to feel the full range of human emotion. Parents and friends may not have affirmed your right to have your feelings without rejection, punishment or ridicule.
o avoid pain, women may pull away from intimate relationships and deny their need for love, or they may give too much to others. Men may rush into another intimate relationship or try to bury their feelings in work. Because of our culture and how we're raised, women often suppress aggressive feelings, while men often suppress their more vulnerable feelings. Anger, sadness, fear and sorrow are all important. Both women and men heal their hearts more effectively if they pay equal attention to each of these four emotions.
What you can feel, you can heal. It's possible to feel true happiness again. Healing your heart may seem difficult, but the four healing emotions are powerful helpers on that journey.
In the meantime, talk with loved ones about how you're feeling. Accept compassion from others, and be patient with yourself.
John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (HarperCollins, 2004). For help with your relationship today, visit Love Advice From AskMarsVenus.com.